Geelong’s Gym

Here are a few funny comments from people who’d really rather not change their ways and do a little exercise…

• Walking 20 minutes can add hours to your life.  This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $8000 per month.
• I have to walk early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
• I joined a gym last year, spent about $450.  Haven’t lost a pound.  Apparently you have to go there!
• I don’t jog – it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
• Every time I hear the word “exercise”, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
• I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
• I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years… just getting over the hill.
• Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a “Happy Hour” and by the time I leave, I think I look just fine.
  

  If only it were that easy!

I bet that got your attention and I’m willing to bet that right now most of you think I’ve lost my mind.  But hear me out.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger is famously quoted (admittedly back in the 1970s) as saying that he found exercise more exciting and fun than sex!  I’ll leave that decision up to you, but there are certainly some great ways to make exercise more fun…

• Change your mindset – when we were children we didn’t exercise, we played.  So stop thinking about your exercise routine as hard work and start thinking about it as play.  Sound impossible?  It’s not.  There are some great, fun ways to exercise that actually do feel like play.  For example, try a Body Jam class, which combines dance with exercise, and tell me you didn’t have the time of your life when you came out of the class.
• Try a Mind Body Spirit class – imagine ridding yourself of the stresses of your day, relaxing your body so completely that you feel like you’re floating on a cloud and letting your mind drift to a place with no cares, worries or responsibilities.
• Workout with a friend – you can catch up on your day, have a good chat and exercise at the same time!

I’m sure that you can come up with some other fun ways to exercise.  Why not make it your goal in 2010 to exercise more and have fun doing it?!

If you’d like to have a good laugh about some hilarious exercise moments, click here.

Have you ever felt like you were the only one hurting after a session at the gym?  You’re not the only one.  Here’s a look at one woman’s humourous take on a week of Personal Training at “Torturer Gym”.  Just remember, nothing good  comes without hard work.

The name says it all!

Dear Diet Diary

As a Christmas present this year, my daughter, Cresley [what a thoughtful darling] bought for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in reasonable shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Juan Antonio [ooh what a name] who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Monday

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Juan Antonio waiting for me.   He is something of a Greek god: he has curly hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Yippee!

Juan Antonio gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Juan Antonio [call me Tony by now] was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my stomach was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FABULOUS week!   My New Year resolutions will be easy.

Tuesday

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the door. Tony made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air. Later he put weights on it. My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Tony’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.

Wednesday

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. Tony was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning; and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Tony put me on the stair ‘monster’. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Tony told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other garbage too.

Thursday

Tony was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. That man then took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent a skinny woman to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.

Friday

I hate that man, Toady or whatever his name is, more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. He is a stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic little bighead. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Toady wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the flippin’ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on the health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday

That person, that Toady, left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday

I’m having the Church bus collect me up so I can go to services today and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Cresley [the cruel, whingeing creep] will choose a gift for me that is fun: like root canal treatment or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!

Have you set some goals for the year ahead yet?

Most of us see January as a time for goal setting and planning ahead what we want to accomplish over the course of the year.

I thought I’d share with you some funny goals I read:

Maybe your goal for the year is to lose a little weight.

• I will polish my pate – Bald Person
• I will do less washing and wear more deodorant – Executive
• I will not regale the same story at every function – Incorrigable Bore
• I will remember that Cake Day is only on the 29th of every month – Foodie
• Finally, remember that a New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other!

I’m sure that over the years you’ve set some New Year’s resolutions of your own, maybe you stuck to them and maybe you didn’t… so to help you have your Best Year Ever, we decided to help you keep track of your goals for 2010 and the progress you’re making.

You may have fitness goals, personal goals, business goals, relationship goals… whatever it is, Geelong’s Gym can give you a tool to make sure you don’t forget about it by the end of January.  And it’s free.  Simply click here to get started.  The page says “Make That Decision NOW”, so sign up and let 2010 be your Best Year Ever – remember, it’s completely FREE.

Continuing on from our last post, let’s look at some other ways that the Twelve Days of Christmas can remind us of some gifts we can give our bodies.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me seven swans a-swimming…

Did you know that the swan is considered to be the Bird of Light?  Light reminds me of the sun and the importance of Vitamin D to a healthy body and the maintenance of strong bones, musces and teeth.  Our bodies only store enough Vitamin D to last between 30 and 60 days, so it’s really important that we get outside (being sun smart of course) throughout the year.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me eight maids a-milking…

I’m sure you know where I’m going to go with this one.  Diets rich in milk and milk products help build and maintain bone mass throughout the life cycle.  This is especially important during childhood and adolescense when bone mass is being built.  And for those who are approaching the older years, strong bone mass may help reduce the risk of osteoporosis.  This doesn’t have to be full cream milk either, low-fat or fat free options are just as good for your bone mass. 

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me nine ladies dancing…

Nine Ladies Dacing

Many people when they think of dancing immediately think of ballet and girls in tutus.  But believe me, that’s not all dance is about these days.  There are many different forms of dance, most of which provide a fantastic way of staying fit and healthy, while still having fun.  If you don’t believe me, come along and try a Geelong’s Gym Body Jam class and discover the amazing workout that a variety of dance genres will give you.  Trust me, you’ll break a sweat and have fun doing it!

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me ten lords a-leaping…

Have you ever watched kids jumping and leaping around on a trampoline?  It looks so easy but it’s actually a great form of exercise.  Jumping with a jump rope is a fantastic way to increase your heart rate and get your blood pumping.  Or take a leaf out of the kids’ book and get on a trampoline.  Ten minutes of jumping is the equivilent of 30 minutes of running!  Yes, you did read that right!  So is anyone adding a trampoline to the Christmas list?

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me eleven pipers piping…

Did you know that the Scots used to carry bagpipes into battle with them?  In fact, there is strong evidence to suggest that bagpipes were present at the great Battle of Bannockburn back in the 14th century.  I can imagine that the pipers came together just before the battle started and played played a rousing, stirring rendition of songs such as Scotland the Brave.  I’m sure that there was nothing more motivating or inspiring to propel them into fierce battle.  If you need that extra bit of motivation when you’re working out, try loading some strong songs with a good beat onto your ipod and see what a difference it makes.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me twelve drummers drumming…

In many cultures drums are a symbol of power and if you’ve ever been at a concert where the drummer has done a solo I’m sure you would agree with that, because you can feel every beat reverberate through your body.  If you’re struggling with your workouts, put some music on with a strong drum beat in it, listen for a moment and let the power of the drumming flow through your body.  Then let that power come out in your workout, let it motivate you to push harder and stronger than you ever have before.  Remember, having a good workout is 90% about having the right mindset.  If you’re thinking power, then you’ll produce power!

As we rapidly approach Christmas, have a good break but don’t forget to take care of the health and well-being of your body – you’ll have a better Christmas for it. 

All the team at Geelong’s Gym would like to wish you a safe, happy and healthy Christmas and New Year.

Unless you’re the Christmas Grinch I’m sure you’ve heard the popular Christmas song, The Twelve Days of Christmas.

In the lead up to Christmas I thought we’d have a look at the 12 gifts in this song and how they can be a gift to the health and well-being of your body (or not as the case may be!).

Christmas - a time for joy and laughter

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree…

Did you know that according to Greek legend the first partridge appeared when Daedalus threw his nephew, Perdix off the roof in a fit of jealous rage?  Now I’m not advocating that you add nephew tossing into your fitness repertoire, but something you may not know about partridges is that they are seed eaters?  If you want to increase your metabolism and keep your brain alert, try snacking on seeds, such as pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds, in between meals.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me two turtle doves…

Turtle doves symbolise love and deep friendship.  During this Christmas season, take the time to show those you care about how much they mean to you.  Sometimes the end of the year and the lead up to Christmas can be stressful and the ones who usually bear the brunt of your stress are those you love the most.  I’m sure you’ll have a much happier and healthier Christmas if you show a little extra love to your friends and family.  And if you’re really struggling to get rid of that stress, come along to a Yoga Class at Geelong’s Gym and watch it just melt away.  I’m sure your family will thank you for it!

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me three french hens…

Did you know that french hens are actually a variety of chicken in France?  Chicken is a low fat protein and is, in fact, one of the best sources of protein.  However, if you suffer from heart disease or high cholesterol then chicken is something you should try to avoid or at least eat very little of – chicken has a considerable amount of cholesterol, almost as much as red meat.  So check with your doctor before you indulge in a whole lot of roast chicken on Christmas day!

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me four calling birds…

Here’s an interesting fact for you… in the original version of the song the calling birds are actually “collie” birds, a variety of black bird in England.  Does anyone remember the song Sing A Song Of Sixpence where the black birds were served as a meat pie?  Now it’s difficult to find many health benefits in pie, since it’s loaded with buttery pastry and many other things we shouldn’t be eating.  But let’s face it, Christmas is a time when we should be able to loosen up a little and if necessary open the top button of our pants to create a little more room.  Let yourself indulge a little, because you can always work it off in the gym in the New Year.  Afterall, that’s what New Year resolutions are all about!

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me five golden rings…

I bet you’re wondering how I’m going to turn gold rings into a health benefit, right?  Well aside from the weekly massages you could probably demand if you gave  your true love a gorgeous ring, there are actually some health benefits to wearing rings, or copper ones at least.  Copper has been used to promote health since ancient times, although the greatest benefit it has is through ingesting small amounts as recommended by a doctor.  However, there are many people who swear by wearing copper jewellery to target specific areas and alleviate things like arthritis.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me six geese a-laying…

Once again we’re back to food, which I guess isn’t that surprising considering so much of Christmas revolves around eating!  Goose eggs are highly sought after, especially since they’re much larger than your ordinary chicken egg.  But I’m sorry to say that goose eggs are incredibly high in cholesterol and so for the greater good of your body, I recommend staying away from these.

Tune in next blog post for the remaining six days of Christmas.

Have you ever heard of Wordle?

We were introduced to Wordle by Dr Marc Dussault from Exponential Programs.  He used it to create a Wordle of Power Words from Anthony Robbins’ Firewalk Seminar and also as a unique way to get excited about his New Year’s Resolutions.

Our first attempt with it was to create a gift for my son’s class at school.  We took all the students’ names and the teacher’s name and created a Wordle for the class.

Our use of it gave Marc an exponential idea – why not create a  Wordle of all the members of the gym?!  So here it is…

Don’t be distressed if you can’t see you name, it simply means your name is quite unique, or at least LESS COMMON that the biggest names, those which are most frequently found in our database.  Incidentally, the size of the name represents the FREQUENCY of the name in the list.

By the way, though it may not look like it, we actually have more women than men at Geelong’s Gym.  However, we seem to have a greater variety of women’s names, whereas men seem to be named from a much smaller pool of names and that’s why all the men’s names are bigger, because those same names appear most regularly in our database.

Pretty cool, isn’t it?  Why not have a go with your family members’ names or better yet, how about doing it with your health and fitness goals for 2010 and then stick it up on your mirror to keep you motivated.  Have some fun with it.

Yes, you did read that right.  The poor old lettuce is struggling in the popularity stakes and is proving to be no match in the war against the fast food giants.

Fortune Magazine provides us with this scary market research – in 1989, 10% of lunch and dinner orders included a main-dish salad.  Sadly, today it’s just 5%. 

So what does the future hold for the humble lettuce? 

The salad’s survival is dubious, but one thing is for certain… the fast food industry continues to capture an increasing share of our dining dollars.

And what that means is maintaining a healthy, fit lifestyle is all the more important.

Let’s face it – society has given us a guilt complex about eating chocolate, making sure that we view it as a forbidden pleasure or at the very least a treat for good behaviour.

And what’s the result of that?  Exactly.  We want it all the more just because someone told us we couldn’t have it!

But here’s the good news… recent research has revealed that chocolate is actually good for us because it:

• Lowers blood pressure
• Increases good cholesterol levels
• Reduces bad cholesterol levels
• Cuts the risk of diabetes
• Improves memory

Right there are five exceptional reasons for eating chocolate.  But it gets even better…

Research measuring the brain activity and heart rate of volunteers tasting dark chocolate or kissing their partners found that chocolate produces a body and brain buzz far more intense and UP TO FOUR TIMES as long as the most passionate kiss.

Rob Pattinson

Out of the way Rob Pattinson, I’ll take the chocolate instead!

So now that we no longer have to feel guilty about eating the forbidden fruit, do we crave it any less?

I didn’t think so.  Anyone for a Hershey’s Kiss?

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Thank you to Dr Marc Dussault for providing these insights, courtesy of one of his many blog readers who contribute interesting and intriguing content for his more than 10 blogs.